Readers of this blog are likely to care about kids’ caring about the world.  This can get tricky, though.  We don’t want to scare them, overburden them, or turn them off.  I was so happy with the way writer Heidi Stevens conveyed some important points on this topic – I thought it was worth sharing them here.

“Caring without scaring: How to teach kids to care about the world around them without frightening them off the planet”

By Heidi Stevens, Tribune Newspapers

Reality is a tricky teaching tool when it comes to parenting.

On the one hand, you want to shield your children from images and stories that will frighten them or cause them anxiety. On the other, you want to teach them perspective and knowledge about the world around them.

If you want your child to have empathy, you can — and should — do both, experts say.

“You don’t feed a baby a steak,” says Homa Sabet Tavangar, author of “Growing Up Global: Raising Children to Be at Home in the World” (Ballantine Books). “You give them age-appropriate portions and the right consistency, but you do need to feed them.”

So it is with “feeding” them reality.

When an earthquake struck Haiti in January, Tavangar pre-screened a photo slideshow on a newspaper Web site to show her 6-year-old. The images showed the ravaged island and survivors living in tents.

“You want to humanize the dignity and strength of the people experiencing the disaster, so it’s not just ‘those people,’” she says. “A natural part of growing up is knowing the world has justice and injustice and there are things we care about and things we can change and things we need to change.”

In her book, Tavangar writes: “Once you and your children feel a closer connection to what is going on in the world and how others live, play, study, eat, worship and celebrate, it is natural that you will care about the health and survival of the planet and its inhabitants — whom you regard as your family and friends.”

But don’t wait for a natural disaster to start imparting empathy. The lessons can happen in daily doses, say experts. Here are five tips to get you started.

Meet your child’s needs. Children are naturally self-centered, and nurturing them can actually help them become less so. “When a child’s needs are met in all the ways they have needs — emotional, physical, spiritual — they don’t have to put energy into getting their own needs met, and they have energy left over to direct in other ways,” says Warren B. Seiler, child and adolescent psychiatrist and author of “Battling the Enemy Within: Conquering the Causes of Inner Struggle and Unhappiness” (Victory Laine). “They become other-centered. Empathy comes from being loved and cherished and watched over as a child goes from birth onward.”

Don’t overindulge. “If you meet all your child’s needs, you can’t cause any problems,” Seiler says. “If you meet all their wants, that’s a different story.”

It’s important for kids to know that you aren’t what you buy, Tavangar says. “You can keep buying your kids stuff and keep entertaining them, and it will never be enough, and it will never help them feel satisfied,” she says. “That only happens when they learn to give back. That’s when you get depth and meaning in your life.”

Be a role model. “When a child grows up in an empathetic environment, they know what it looks like and what it feels like,” Tavangar says. “Who are your friends? Who do you invite to your dinner table? What kind of service are you engaged in? Do you talk that stuff through? ‘We’re devoting a portion of our annual budget to this cause because we care and because it matters.’ Help them see how that directly goes back to your own well-being and humanity’s well-being. You’re not lecturing them. It just becomes part of your family values.”

Have frequent discussions. Talk about the harsh realities your children encounter, whether it’s a homeless person living on the street or a child being bullied at school. Ask them how they feel about what they witness, and tell them how you would respond empathetically.

“We always talked about how to treat other people,” says Seiler, who has three grown children. “They had all this extra energy, and they wanted to use it the way we used it. Children become like the people who are nurturing them.”

Figure out ways to help. “Empathy is like a muscle,” says Tavangar. “We can have it in us, but if we don’t exercise it, it doesn’t come out necessarily.”

Plenty of charitable organizations were started by children who were upset by something they witnessed, including Ryan’s Well — a foundation devoted to delivering clean, safe water to developing countries that was founded in 1999 by then-7-year-old Ryan Hreljac.

“Their compassionate parents didn’t tell them to forget about those thoughts or that it’s all OK,” Tavangar writes in her book. “Instead they helped the child develop a plan of action, find creative avenues for service, fundraise and even engage in policy advocacy. This way, kids felt empowered to right a wrong and not stand helplessly or anxiously on the sidelines.”

Vice presidents Rosemarie Truglio and Jeanette Betancourt from Sesame Street’s nonprofit organization Sesame Workshop (sesameworkshop.org) compiled tips for parents to help children cope with natural disasters shortly after the Haiti earthquake.

“Put together a lemonade stand or a bake sale in your community or school to donate the proceeds,” they suggest. “Helping others will not only help your child learn about empathy, it also shows that there are people that will be there to help during tough times.”

More ways to share the love

Homa Sabet Tavangar devotes a chapter in “Growing Up Global” to “service and giving,” which experts agree are key ingredients for empathy. A few of her suggestions:

Read “A Kid’s Guide to Giving,” by Freddi Zeiler (Innovative Kids Publishing). “A handy little workbook-type resource to help kids figure out how to start giving back.”

Click on dosomething.org. “(The site) gets teens mobilized, informed and maybe excited enough to take action. Young people are starting Do Something clubs all over the country.”

Watch “Back to School,” a PBS film that follows children in Afghanistan, Kenya, India, Japan and other countries as they struggle to get an education. (Available at pbs.org.)

Collect your change to donate to a worthy cause. “As little as (6 cents) can buy life-saving solutions for children,” Tavangar writes.

Discuss poverty and hunger. For elementary schoolers, ask, “Have you ever been hungry for several hours or more? What was that like?” For tweens, ask how being hungry affects their mood and their ability to do schoolwork or sports. For teens, ask how they feel about celebrities getting involved in charitable campaigns and whether they and their friends could get excited about making a difference in the world.

There’s a school just outside L.A., where all the students are classified as “poor.” Until a few years ago, the school’s location was considered part of a gang’s territory, with a violent history. Crossing the line to get to the Vaughn school meant you were taking your life into your own hands. But the day I walked into the high school now known as Vaughn International Studies Academy (VISA), groups of students were preparing to take the stage for a Chinese New Year celebration, packing red silk vests as their weapon of choice. The freshmen sang first, and seniors sitting in the front of the assembly were singing along to the Mandarin lyrics. Later, a few girls showed us their local environmental education initiative and we joined another group during their lunch period where they were planning a simulation of a Darfur refugee camp experience which they’d help middle schoolers to lead.

Students at VISA learn about the world. Photo credit: Eric O’Connell

Instead of adding to the accounts of failing schools and drop out students, this story from L.A.’s San Fernando Valley demonstrates the power of global education for transformation – on a local level.  When school principal Stan Leandro, himself a child of San Fernando, CA, took Tony Jackson, Vice President for Education at the Asia Society, and me for a tour of the school, we met kids like Oscar, who proudly announced that when he came to VISA he started with four “F’s” and two “C’s” but his last report card resulted in four “A’s” and two “B’s.” “Mr. Leandro, why didn’t I get the most improved prize?” he pleaded. “You did great; but you’re gonna reach higher,” was the gist of the principal’s response, who somehow seemed to know how all his kids were doing. Oscar seemed happy with that. And in class after class that we visited, we saw great learning environments for core classes like English, Math and Science, with engaged students and teachers – the kind of place every child deserves to learn in.

Student writing in Mandarin. Photo credit: Eric O’Connell

Flags of the world adorn the entrance of the school. I asked Mr. Leandro if this, along with the Chinese language requirement, is what makes the place so special. “No, it’s not.  See the banner in the middle?  We’re displaying our progress yearly in state-wide tests.” So, is that steadily rising performance what makes the school so special? “No,” he said, “that’s just a reflection of what we’re building.”  He went on to explain that their “core values” are fueling a cultural shift – and this is the difference.

VISA’s API scores is something to be proud of.

As a member of the Asia Society International Studies Schools Network , VISA’s teachers and staff are trained to prepare children to be globally competent and college/work ready. The adoption of a mind-set that helps the students to see themselves as part of a bigger world, with valuable skills and the motivation, or simply the HOPE, that they can build a better future, empowers them to achieve and succeed. The school taps into global learning opportunities and service engagement at the local and global levels to help transform the culture into a positive one. The students still have a long way to go to reach the top echelon of SAT scores and many remain at-risk, but the context of global learning offers an important means for changing the lives of these youth living under the poverty line, with hopes and dreams to rise above.

VISA’s example shows that global learning is powerful, and for any child – despite the odds against them. Previously this might have been the exclusive domain of elite children who could travel abroad. Today, we can’t afford to keep it exclusive. Our economy and even our national security depend on raising a generation that’s not just plugged in, but connected, truly connected on a human level.  Academic environments help this process by teaching world languages, literature from many parts of the world, scientific learning that transcends national boundaries. They adapt best practices for education from around the world, and celebrate inclusiveness and diversity as part of their operating principles.

Home environments can reinforce these efforts. Simplest acts, like grocery shopping together for one new variety of produce junior has never tried before, or renting a family-friendly movie set in a different country; and more profound steps, like making friends across boundaries and engaging in dinner table conversations across generations can launch your child on a process of feeling at home in the world, like a global citizen. These don’t cost much, and we can’t afford not to do this for our kids.

Please check back for ideas you can use at school and at home for all our kids to “grow up global” and please share what’s worked for you.

Pepsi’s got a whole new marketing approach – seeking to make impact, soliciting ideas from folks who want to make a difference in the world, then everyone can vote on their favorite projects to get funded.  They’ve also got a blog partnering with Good Magazine featuring good stories.  I’m delighted to be featured with Growing Up Global on a recent post, here.

“Mommy, what if you found me under a building? What if I died?”

This is the reaction of my 6 yr old to seeing an early New York Times slide show of Haiti devastation (this showed destruction of buildings and injuries, but no dead bodies). We discussed what it might be like for families there (in our own limited way); listened to a report about aid workers deploying, millions texting immediate donations, & the world’s outpouring of prayers and concern. I’d love to hear about your experiences talking about this crisis in Haiti (or not) with your kids of various ages, and assemble some of your stories for a longer posting, with more experiences and thoughts from my own family, too.

The outpouring of resources and compassion shows our profound connections and capacity for love, even when the horror of devastation experienced by the most vulnerable confounds our understanding of the ways of the world.

Thanks for sharing your valuable and touching experiences.

Thanks for checking here for new blog posts.  Please check the book’s Facebook page (found here, too: http://bit.ly/8CEL1j) for lots of updates on the book, great ideas shared by a growing community of friends, relevant news items, and more.  In the meantime, consider this gift for the holidays:  “My Twin” doll from Ten Thousand Villages. When you buy this doll, a child whose life has been impacted by HIV/AIDS in Zimbabwe receives her first doll, and profits go back to the artisans that made her.