Archive for August, 2011

5 Lessons I Learned Hosting An Exchange Student

Thursday, August 4th, 2011

(Originally posted on Huffington Post Education.)

We had been bracing ourselves for the last day of our exchange student “daughter” Lucie’s stay with us.  Over the year the five members of our family had each developed inside jokes with her, had favorite things to do, from actually enjoying practicing piano with her, to predicting the outcome of each episode of Top Model, to watching for exotic birds out the window.  We also had experienced a range of emotions together that only comes from living under the same roof as family.

Our last hearty American breakfast everyone pitched in to make was filled with surprises.  Lucie and her parents had thoughtfully selected and packaged gifts for each of the five of us, and it turns out the rest of my family had each selected or made personal mementos for her, too.  That sunny, late-June morning felt more like Christmas, but punctuated by heavy hearts and lots of tears.  And that’s where the biggest surprise came.  Saying good-bye brought out heartfelt emotions, where the closeness we had grown to feel for our new daughter and even our greater appreciation for the rest of our family felt so palpable.  In the midst of our collective, emotional good-bye, I realized that our giving had given so much to us: the life-long bond of a new member of the family, and many lessons – or gifts – we’ll carry throughout our lives.  Here are a few lessons I take from my year as a host mom:

  1. It’s Never the Perfect Time – So Just Do It.  When a friend called to tell us about the need for hosting a nice girl from abroad who could attend our local high school, the last thing I expected given my own busy professional schedule and full plate of activities for everyone in the family was to add another child (my kids were in 12th, 10th, and 2nd grades this past academic year).  Yet somehow when my husband and I discussed it between ourselves and then with our children, we thought ‘why not’ – we have many gifts, let’s share some.  As long as the student knew that we couldn’t entertain her like a tourist, and she attended our local public school, we thought we’d be ok.  And we were!
  2. Global understanding grows best when it’s personal and ‘local’.  Just short of moving abroad ourselves, hosting proved to be an unparalleled cultural education.  So many of our assumptions about her food, habits, or attitudes weren’t quite right, yet so many of our values – especially among the parents – were similar.  Given the need for our children’s generation to gain global competence for the jobs of the 21st Century, these personal experiences right from home will give them confidence in socializing, working, solving problems, and finding new ways to communicate with diverse colleagues and friends.
  3. Kids in many countries think the English word for “smile” is “CHEESE”! During unexpected moments, like posing for a picture, Lucie shared casual insights that you can’t learn from a book or a movie.  Sharing our day-in, day-out lives opened windows for refreshing surprises – the kind that you have to experience for yourself.
  4. Hosting an exchange student helps kids cultivate more meaningful, life-long relationships Unlike hanging out with a friend only when they’re in the mood, living under the same roof means riding to school at 6:45 a.m. when no one wants to be cheerful, eating dinner together after an exhausting day, and everything in between – in stark contrast to today’s texting and IM’ing among ‘friends’ whose experiences often remain superficial.  Adapting to living with someone raised by different parents can teach our kids much about their tolerance for different habits, and become better communicators and more cooperative, assertive, flexible, resilient, patient, grateful, compassionate and forgiving adults (and college students!).
  5. Life can be seen with a new lens.  Lucie took 17,732 photos from our year together (I’m not kidding – she counted and posted the number on Facebook, and yes, we are Facebook friends!), often at angles that we wouldn’t have considered.  After hearing this astounding number of snapshots, it struck me that her active camera offered a lens on the value of our family and the way we live our lives.  And yes, it also caused my daughters to smile more, argue less (a bit less), and maybe even grow from that process of reflection that a new family member and a new “lens” brings.

Of course, there are so many more reasons, and each host family experience will bring different lessons, or gifts, but it certainly is a step worth considering, especially in these highly connected, globally-changing times we live in, where face-to-face still wins over virtual friendship. If you’d like to learn more about hosting, EF Foundation has a great support network and track record for matching up U.S. families with pre-screened youth from around the world.

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Homa S. Tavangar is the author of Growing Up Global and is a spokesperson for EF Foundation for Foreign Study.

Amidst US Heatwave, a Lesson on Drought and Famine in the Horn of Africa

Thursday, August 4th, 2011

(Originally posted on the Huffington Post’s “World” page)

In the midst of this intense heat wave I was looking forward to picking up my 8-year old from her day camp and getting our favorite treat – Philly water ice.  Over the course of the work day I strategized: passion fruit and mango with vanilla custard, or lemon peel and pear.  Facebook prowls accompanied my water ice distractions and that’s how I stumbled on UNICEF’s posting.

My Newsfeed is dotted with causes I care about.  Global Giving’s post encouraged a baby shower for the birth of a new nation, South Sudan, Momsrising discussed how to protect children and families in the US budget battle, and UNICEF’s update, accompanied by a graphic dust storm photo said:

“Somali refugees walk through a dust storm at a camp near the town of Dadaab. A worsening drought crisis threatens 10 million people in the Horn of Africa. The drought has resulted in famine in parts of southern Somalia and widespread malnutrition in Djibouti, Ethiopia and Kenya. UNICEF and partners are working to treat acute malnutrition and provide other critical assistance.”

I had heard bits about the worsening famine, but sweating from our high temperatures at home, this news struck me hard.  I could escape the heat and humidity with air conditioning, high speed internet, and cool treats.  But for families in the Horn of Africa, their suffering seemed to be heaped on more suffering – violence, lawlessness, growing fundamentalism and terrorism on top of drought, all fueling the intense famine.  In my work life, I help schools, families and diverse organizations gain a global perspective and make connections with the larger world – and our connections with that troubled region seemed closer this record-breaking summer.

When I picked up my youngest daughter, I told her about my concerns that day.

Me:  “Today I read about the famine and drought in the Horn of Africa – do you know what a famine is? A drought?  Let’s look up Horn of Africa on the globe and computer when we get home. … I want to do something to help those children.  Do you think we should skip the water ice?”

Daughter #3:  “Yes, I heard about the famine and drought in the car yesterday on NPR.  Weren’t you paying attention? No, let’s not skip our treat; how would that help them?”

She had a point, and we proceeded to a nearby shop.  When we got there we found police directing traffic and the strip mall closed, due to a heat-induced power outage.  So we continued to another neighborhood, where the line for water ice snaked around the building and by the time it was our turn, our favorite flavors were sold out.  We compromised with other choices and took about an hour longer than the simple errand should have, but it struck me that these little inconveniences contained lessons worth exploring.

Our car-ride conversation went something like this: While we live in comparatively great comfort, look at the disruption in our lives when it’s so hot, even just by a few degrees.  Places we want to go are closed.  More police are on the street.  Things become inconvenient.  Some of the things we like are not available.  It’s uncomfortable to be outside. This makes me think about what those families are going through in Somalia, Kenya and Ethiopia, where there might be no reprieve from drought and heat until October.  What can we do to help?

Together we came up with a few action steps:

  • We wanted to make an immediate contribution to food for kids, so we texted “FOOD” to UNICEF (864233) where $10 will be added to my mobile phone bill.  The link here lists many others that offer reliable relief.
  • For that initial $10 donation we decided to buy one large water ice and split it, so that saved about $4, Sophia donated $2 from her own money and I’ll pay the rest.
  • We looked up some of the photos from the crisis to envision what is actually going on.  Then we watched National Geographic: Africa Desert Odyssey episode on Netflix instant stream.  This shows a different region, but it gives a glimpse into pastoral life with extremely limited water supplies – without the violence and intense misery, so I feel more comfortable showing an 8-year old.
  • We turned the air conditioner down in the house, to save energy and to feel a bit warmer, in solidarity with the families we had just learned about.
  • My daughter started planning a lemonade stand with friends. Instead of charging per cup sold, they ask for a donation to the famine relief effort.  Like Alex’s Lemonade Stand, neighborhood efforts can benefit favorite causes.
  • We also talked about the larger issue – our connection with the family of humanity.  In Growing Up Global I describe a metaphor that I grew up with, how humanity is like a single human body. Children get it: Even if a tiny splinter enters the tip of your pinky, the pain can disrupt playing or learning for the whole person.  Likewise, difficulties experienced by others even in places we’ve never heard of can disrupt peace and prosperity for everyone.  Metaphors from the familiar help build understanding about abstract or distant concepts.

 

Our small steps alone will not solve the crisis, but actions like these help build compassion, connection, greater understanding of the world’s challenges from a young age, and even cultivate creative problem solvers.  Collective action builds momentum and benefits the U.S., too.  When we support humanitarian efforts in places like Somalia, the allure of terrorist groups like Al-Shabaab, an Al-Qaeda affiliate might be diminished, and when we hear of elderly nearby that don’t have air conditioning or a newly unemployed or homeless American family we will be more willing and ready to think of ways to help, have empathy for their plight, and perhaps be a champion of justice – this is good for the whole human family.